2. James (the apostle) wrote "The tongue is a fire." and "How great a [forest] a little fire kindleth"
This seems like a bad combination.
STORY:
A few years ago, I was walking home from class on a spring afternoon. I wish I could remember what triggered this thought... I was thinking about "Why do people complain?" What is the purpose? What is the goal of expressing complaint? What is the benefit? I know that we need to address problems frequently, but that is different from most of the complaining I hear. Most of it, apparently, serves no real purpose!
(SIDEBAR: I know that there are appropriate and necessary ways of expressing dissatisfaction. I'm not referring to that kind of 'complaining'. I also know that we are not robots, and that we should not pretend to be satisfied when we are not.)
So I went home and talked to my roommate about it.
"So here's something I was thinking about today..."
"Yeah?"
"I was thinking about complaining. I do it all the time. I complain that it's too hot, or too cold. I complain that my house is too small, or that the rent is too high, or that school is too hard or my job makes me too busy or blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. It seems like everyone does it all the time!"
"Yeah, I totally agree."
"But, guess what I realized today?"
"What?"
"I realized that it doesn't do anything! I doesn't fix my problem. It doesn't make me feel better. It doesn't make anyone else feel better, either. It doesn't help anything."
About 15 minutes later we had decided upon a goal to which we committed ourselves and to which we would hold each other accountable. The Goal: Never complain about any person, situation, or thing, and that if we did complain, we would verbally retract our statement to all who heard us speak it.
(SIDEBAR: I know that there are appropriate and necessary ways of expressing dissatisfaction. I'm not referring to that kind of 'complaining'. I also know that we are not robots, and that we should not pretend to be satisfied when we are not.)
So I went home and talked to my roommate about it.
"So here's something I was thinking about today..."
"Yeah?"
"I was thinking about complaining. I do it all the time. I complain that it's too hot, or too cold. I complain that my house is too small, or that the rent is too high, or that school is too hard or my job makes me too busy or blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. It seems like everyone does it all the time!"
"Yeah, I totally agree."
"But, guess what I realized today?"
"What?"
"I realized that it doesn't do anything! I doesn't fix my problem. It doesn't make me feel better. It doesn't make anyone else feel better, either. It doesn't help anything."
About 15 minutes later we had decided upon a goal to which we committed ourselves and to which we would hold each other accountable. The Goal: Never complain about any person, situation, or thing, and that if we did complain, we would verbally retract our statement to all who heard us speak it.
Day 1 of complaining goal:
I was sitting among a group of engineering students doing some particularly lengthy homework in the basement of a building on campus. Every day after our class we would go there together for about 4 hours to try to finish the assignment for the day.
I complained. I said something negative - something about the assignment being stupid. Then, the moment of truth: I have to take it back. How can I? What will they think? Does it matter? It does matter. I have to do it.
"Hey guys, you know what?"
They looked up at me from their papers...
"I don't mean that. I'm glad I can be in this class and I'm grateful for my education..."
No one said anything. I think one kid nodded his head. No one seemed angry. Everyone's life went on just like it was going before - except mine.
That was the beginning of the end.
Within just a couple of weeks, I would go an entire day without saying a single negative thing about anyone or anything. After a couple of months, I would catch myself saying something negative and realize that it had been an entire week since my last complaint.
And do you want to know what else happened to me? I started to believe my mouth. I felt more positive. I felt more satisfied with my life - every part of it. The effects of this goal still remain.
Of course, I am not perfect at this. I'm not as good now as I have been in past times. I still complain. And I also still verbally retract my complaints (much of the time), and sometimes I will invite others to reconsider theirs. Now, I invite you.
1. Complaining serves no positive purpose, but does serve negative ones.
2. You do not owe it to anyone to complain, not even yourself. It is totally useless.
3. Learn to control your tongue, and you will learn to control yourself. (See James 3:2-13, Bible).
4. The way you speak about a person or situation influences the way you feel about that person or situation. The way you speak affects your attitude, not the other way around.
5. Choosing to consciously correct your speech will quickly train you to speak correctly the first time. Don't be afraid to do it - only good things will follow.
This has changed my life. Try it. Next time and EVERY time you complain, take it back.
I complained. I said something negative - something about the assignment being stupid. Then, the moment of truth: I have to take it back. How can I? What will they think? Does it matter? It does matter. I have to do it.
"Hey guys, you know what?"
They looked up at me from their papers...
"I don't mean that. I'm glad I can be in this class and I'm grateful for my education..."
No one said anything. I think one kid nodded his head. No one seemed angry. Everyone's life went on just like it was going before - except mine.
That was the beginning of the end.
Within just a couple of weeks, I would go an entire day without saying a single negative thing about anyone or anything. After a couple of months, I would catch myself saying something negative and realize that it had been an entire week since my last complaint.
And do you want to know what else happened to me? I started to believe my mouth. I felt more positive. I felt more satisfied with my life - every part of it. The effects of this goal still remain.
Of course, I am not perfect at this. I'm not as good now as I have been in past times. I still complain. And I also still verbally retract my complaints (much of the time), and sometimes I will invite others to reconsider theirs. Now, I invite you.
1. Complaining serves no positive purpose, but does serve negative ones.
2. You do not owe it to anyone to complain, not even yourself. It is totally useless.
3. Learn to control your tongue, and you will learn to control yourself. (See James 3:2-13, Bible).
4. The way you speak about a person or situation influences the way you feel about that person or situation. The way you speak affects your attitude, not the other way around.
5. Choosing to consciously correct your speech will quickly train you to speak correctly the first time. Don't be afraid to do it - only good things will follow.
This has changed my life. Try it. Next time and EVERY time you complain, take it back.
two thumbs waaaaay, way up! (name that movie)
ReplyDeleteHercules!
DeleteI remember when you told me about this back then. I set a similar goal at the time and later forgot about it. Thanks for reminding me to try it again.
ReplyDelete